A Change of Perspective
A lot of us grew up thinking that our parents should know exactly how to raise children. The reality is, our parents are human like us, they learn as they go and only know what they know from what they absorb from those around them or knowledge that they seek out. Without a very strong reason or outside influence they don’t move very far from the morals and values that they were taught - whether good or bad.
These morals and values are taught and retaught generation after generation. Maybe in slightly different forms, but family patterns definitely emerge. That is how we can end up with generational dysfunction, within our families.
As we mature, we can sometimes see better ways of doing things, better ways of being in relationships, and yet we can still be trapped, unable to break free of the dysfunction.
You may be well aware that the old ways are not the best ways for the health and well-being of future generations, however, implementing changes, going against the grain and speaking your truth can be hard. If you don’t agree with the family's ways you may be labeled as the black sheep or troublemaker. Trying to do things differently with your kids rather than doing what your parents did with you, can sometimes create issues within families as well.
It takes strength and confidence to stand up for what we believe in, to create boundaries, to have our wishes respected for how we want to be treated and how we want our children to be treated.
We may even get into a habit of blame and resentment for things that we feel went wrong with our childhood, and we don’t want to see it repeated with our children. However, I would like to remind you that our parents were doing the best they could each day, with the tools and resources that they had. If we are now parents ourselves, we know very well that this is true for us too. We are just doing our best each given day. There is no one size fits all parenting book and each child does not come with a handbook.
There are some family situations however, that are terribly abusive and destructive. If we look back there is often some sort of past pain residing in the person who is doing the abusing. If we know some of the background information of the abuser we may be able to better understand the destructive patterns. That doesn’t mean we condone abusive or destructive behavior and we can create boundaries for the health and well being or ourselves and our family members.
There are several situations that I can think of in my own family where previous generations of dysfunction carried through our entire family. If the pain of the previous generation is never healed it will show up in some form or another. I know that I held anger and resentment towards my parents for some of the things that happened throughout my childhood.
Through doing the Emotional Wellness work that I have done, I was able to forgive them (not condone behaviors), but forgive them (so that I could have peace) and to really see the pain that they were carrying. I am now able to feel more compassion for them, for the pain that they went through and the pain they were carrying while trying to parent. I do feel sorry for them that they were unwilling or unable to see or heal their own childhood wounds so that they may have had better relationships with their own children and grandchildren. It was not without trying on my part, I spent many days, encouraging them to see a different perspective, to acknowledge the hurt that was being caused.
I became aware that it was time to adjust my perspective and accept what is/was and create healthy boundaries for myself and my family. They are/were humans, they are/were my parents, I respect that, and I chose to interact with them with love and grace, within my personal boundaries. There are no more arguments, no more expectations and disappointments. This peace that I now have, has come from using Tapping and Emotional Wellness work, on all of the tangled emotions from years of life.
If you have generational dysfunction and you are carrying resentment, regret or have an unwillingness to forgive, know that with Tapping and Emotional Wellness, we can release the emotions attached to your traumatic memories, change the perspective, allow compassion and forgiveness so that you can have peace within yourself.
Maybe it's time to carve out healthy emotional patterns in the present and for future generations. There is no better gift for yourself and your family, than that. You are worth it!
